Let’s have a glass of wine and talk: Blow Torched?
I went out with a guy twice. He ended the last date by asking me if I thought we should take our profiles down. I’m thinking it’s a bit early, but I’m really attracted to him. Is this too good to be true? He’s touchy-feely in a nice, not creepy way, and I think there could be something here. He’s not rushing me sexually, by the way. He told me to think about the profile thing. What’s your opinion?
Ahh, the blow torcher.
I’ve been on the receiving end. It’s called blow torching for a reason.
And it was lovely…until it wasn’t.
Which is why I think there’s everything right with going slowly. I also know that if you have real chemistry with this man, it’s rare, especially at our age. And therefore, very tempting.
Because there’s a serious and cautionary side to this question, I’m asking a professional. Jill Whitney is a licensed marriage and family therapist, creator of KeepTheTalkGoing.com, a blog on relationships and sexuality.
“People may rush into a new relationship for several reasons,” says Whitney. “It may simply feel really good to be in a relationship, especially if you’ve been lonely. You get physical pleasures like being kissed and held and maybe having sex. You get companionship and someone to do things with. It’s very appealing.”
Whitney explains that pushing to get into a relationship may be a danger sign. “Pressure to get serious quickly can even be a sign of a potential abuser. Some abusers win over their partners by ‘sweeping them off their feet,’ being super-romantic, and making grand statements about how the two of you are soul mates.”
Whitney cautions against anyone who wants too much of your time. If you “…have little room in your calendar for your girlfriends, that’s a red flag. Abusers often cut their victims off from other emotional connections.”
Rein this guy in, baby!
If he’s genuinely interested in getting to know you, he’ll respect you and slow down. Otherwise, you’ll probably want to say bye, bye.
Watch out. A guy like this can break your heart if you take him seriously. I called mine Toxic Man and blocked him on my phone. I decided that for him, it was all about the chase. Once the chase is over, he’s all about pulling back. At this age, it’s hard enough dating without having some guy who doesn’t know what he wants string you along.