DISTANCE DATING? PROVOCATIVE EMAILS TURN UP THE HEAT

In Middle Ageish, my new novel, Sunny Chanel, the heroine, plunges into online dating. And emails a truckload of men. 

Sunny lives in New Haven, CT, so even before she meets Noah, who lives  in Long Island, the emailing fun begins. It continues even after they meet.

Sunny and Noah could teach us a few things about the art of the slow burn. Emailing is their passion in Middle Ageish, their way of heating up a long distance romance.

The hint? Emailing is pretty much distance dating, so if you’re online dating anywhere in the world, follow their lead and use email as a way of getting to know someone new. It’s the only safe way. Yes, they make out the first time they meet, but today’s world isn’t ready for such carryings on, and you shouldn’t be either. Not yet.

Here’s a sampling of a couple of their back and forths.

They have met. There is chemistry. 

To: Sunny
From: Noah
Subject: upholstery
I would like us to make time to climb into the backest part of your truck.
The better to touch your rembourrage garniture dans the interior

To: Noah
From: Sunny
I don’t mind the garnished rembourrage portion of
the program, but not ready for boinking at this juncture—
To: Sunny
From: Noah
Subject: honey
Honey, are you still infatuated? I am.
***

Oh, the man was a romantic and his emails made my kidneys squeeze. 

Maybe that didn’t sound sexy, but whatever squeezed, and wherever it was located, it felt pretty nice.

Noah and I hadn’t seen one another since our kissy-face meet. He’d taken on extra shifts, and I’d

 been busy packing and meeting guys whose names I didn’t remember.

A text blew in from Noah. The one man I wanted to hear from. I began reading. And smiling to myself.

Sunny, I’m a programmer and an analyst, and I figure our date was three hundred dates in one (1) and

so the next will be #301. Here are the stats:

  • Canalathon: 6.0 hrs.
  • Eating: 2.5
  • Spot decisions: 0.3
  •  Communication: 3.4
  •  Navigation i.e. you:
  • Good night peck: 0.1, 0.1, 0.1, 0.1
  • Final peck: 9.0

I had a very pleasant time on our date to see if we should date.

May I accompany you to the theater Friday night?

Yes, dear. Our seats are side by side. Sweet sleeps

 

To: Noah

From: Sunny

The theater? Thank you, Noah. Such a delight.

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