Avoid Dating Boo Boos

No photo? You might as well post a back-of-the-head shot.

Your friends love you. If you’re late to dinner, no big deal. They know your foibles. You misplace emails. Your front seat is a jumble of water bottles and Goodwill bags. You text on the fly and don’t proof before sending. No one cares.

They understand you.

This dating thing is a little different. There’s little understanding and very little forgiving going on.

Writing a profile or emailing or meeting for the first time? Check out these avoidable boo boos.

Are The Generics still out there?
Women who love walking on the beach.
Guys who love sports.
Women who are as comfortable in a little black dress as they are in blue jeans.
Guys whose car makes a guest appearance in their profile photo.

What you can do is put those quirks into your profile.
When composing that profile, DON’T use these old clankers.

Don’t:

let’sclick.com

I like your profile. I think we have a lot in common. I like dinner out, the movies, and watching tv. Please look at mine. I would love to here from you. We could be a match.
Bob

  • Use lots of adjectives: Honest, Hardworking, Affectionate, Humorous, Attractive, Fun-loving.
  • Try to be sexy: “I love high heels.”
  • Be stuck in the past: “They don’t make ‘em (movies, cars, whatever) like they used to.”
  • Try to warm her up with: “I love to cuddle in front of the fireplace.”
  • Use this old cliche: “I love my life. But it would be better with the right man.”
  • Refuse to put in the work: “Write a profile? It’s hard to talk about myself.”
  • Be overly demanding: “You must be tall, financially stable and have your own hair.”

Your Profile Reads Like Unflavored Tofu

Are The Generics still out there? Women who love walking on the beach. Guys who love sports. Women who are as comfortable in a little black dress as they are in blue jeans.

Guys whose car makes a guest appearance in their profile photo.

Here’s a few more:

  • Adjective Guy: Honest, Hardworking, Affectionate, Great Sense of Humor, Average build.
  • Sexy Woman: “I love high heels.”
  • Movie Guy: “They don’t make ‘em like they used to.”
  • Warmth Guy: “I love to cuddle in front of the fireplace.”
  • Woman who Loves Her Life: “But it would be better with the right man.”
  • Befuddled Guy: “Write a profile? It’s hard to talk about myself.”
  • Demanding Lady: “You must be tall, financially stable and have your own hair.”
The Mini Lesson

Generic is dull. Jazz up that profile if you want responses.

Ask a question or two. Show interest. Let him know you like a nice little house red and good conversation.

Tell your Walmart story. You know the one.

And if you’re not good at writing, get better. Get help. Call in the kids. Friends.

You’ve got a profile for one reason only.

So people will contact you.

You’re Clueless About Using The Hook

How do you grab someone’s interest? Get them to write back?

Find the hook. The hook is something specific in a man’s or woman’s profile to comment on or ask about. This is called showing interest.

Lazy daters use the automated come-on greetings provided by the dating sites. Bob would like to meet you. Sally likes your profile.

 

Don’t.

The Mini Lesson

If he isn’t making an effort in the beginning, well…

You’re Stuck in Email Land

Don’t spend weeks writing back and forth, an endless string of emails.

Move to the phone. Ask for a number. Do it. (And yes, ladies, you can ask too.)

Two reasons why:

Giving out a number shows interest.

Phone talk can lead to a meet. You know what I say about meeting.

The Mini Lesson

On the phone, you can charm, especially if you’re not an emailer. Keep it light. Talk about your favorite pizza place, meatloaf recipe, hiking spot, writer, daughter, music app. Tell your mother’s latest story, the one about calling the Fire Department to crawl through the second-floor window. Because she went out without her key. Your 93-year old mom.

          Just don’t go on and on and on.                 

          You give good phone, don’t you? 

The Heavy Stuff on a First Meet

My friend Rhea’s meet went like this: details on how he met his two wives, the two divorces, and an outline of the breakup of the second marriage and the wife’s little cheating habit.

Likewise, if a woman questions a man about his financials, it’s a turn off. My friend Alan, who works for a pharmaceutical company and trains physicians, was asked on a first meet, “What would a person with your sort of position make in a year?”

He grunted, took her home and never again called.

The Mini Lesson

Some baggage is just too darn heavy. And some boxes are marked *personal.*

The Guy with no Plan

Yup. He asks what you’d like to do, right from the beginning. First date. It’s not so bad if you’re given a few choices from which to pick. That can be nice. Otherwise, tell him what you’d like best of all in the whole wide wonderful whacked-out world is not to have to think about what to do.

This one time.

The Mini Lesson

          Lazy daters aren’t a source of irritation for everyone. Some women love taking charge. I see this as a problem if it extends to other, more important issues. Time will tell.

He’s Blow Torching You

Plain old needy is one thing. Everyone is a little bit needy. Needy isn’t bad—when you’re ready, you’re ready. And if the feelings are mutual, this could translate to a beautiful beginning.

But if the guy––and it’s usually the guy––is coming on way too strong, step back. A man who professes strong feelings early in the game, wants to be exclusive, take down your profiles after a second date? Slow that man down.

(Definition: he comes on very strong, but when you respond, he retreats.)

The Mini Lesson

Blow torchers, even middle-aged and older blow torchers, may not have the emotional stability and maturity to sustain a relationship over the long haul. Time will tell as trust builds. Remember, you are in control. 

Don’t Take Online Dating Personally

He emails. Every day brings a new and chatty story, how his dog got loose and the neighbor found her digging in the woods. It’s as if you know each other. You know you’ll meet. Soon.

Then they stop. The emails stop. You never hear from him again. He’s ghosted.

She gives you her number but doesn’t pick up when you call. Twice.

Or he takes your number, says he’s calling and doesn’t.

You’re experiencing bad behavior. Don’t take it personally and don’t try to figure these people out.

Online dating is tough. Get a helmet.

The Mini Lesson

Have a life you enjoy, friends, family. The obvious. Take yourself on a date. Treat yourself to whatever you love doing.

Don’t make online dating a second job. 

 

Let’s Have a Conversation!