Are The Generics still out there? Women who love walking on the beach. Guys who love sports. Women who are as comfortable in a little black dress as they are in blue jeans.
Guys whose car makes a guest appearance in their profile photo.
Here’s a few more:
- Adjective Guy: Honest, Hardworking, Affectionate, Great Sense of Humor, Average build.
- Sexy Woman: “I love high heels.”
- Movie Guy: “They don’t make ‘em like they used to.”
- Warmth Guy: “I love to cuddle in front of the fireplace.”
- Woman who Loves Her Life: “But it would be better with the right man.”
- Befuddled Guy: “Write a profile? It’s hard to talk about myself.”
- Demanding Lady: “You must be tall, financially stable and have your own hair.”
Generic is dull. Jazz up that profile if you want responses.
Ask a question or two. Show interest. Let him know you like a nice little house red and good conversation.
Tell your Walmart story. You know the one.
And if you’re not good at writing, get better. Get help. Call in the kids. Friends.
You’ve got a profile for one reason only.
So people will contact you.
How do you grab someone’s interest? Get them to write back?
Find the hook. The hook is something specific in a man’s or woman’s profile to comment on or ask about. This is called showing interest.
Lazy daters use the automated come-on greetings provided by the dating sites. Bob would like to meet you. Sally likes your profile.
If he isn’t making an effort in the beginning, well…
Don’t spend weeks writing back and forth, an endless string of emails.
Move to the phone. Ask for a number. Do it. (And yes, ladies, you can ask too.)
Two reasons why:
Giving out a number shows interest.
Phone talk can lead to a meet. You know what I say about meeting.
On the phone, you can charm, especially if you’re not an emailer. Keep it light. Talk about your favorite pizza place, meatloaf recipe, hiking spot, writer, daughter, music app. Tell your mother’s latest story, the one about calling the Fire Department to crawl through the second-floor window. Because she went out without her key. Your 93-year old mom.
Just don’t go on and on and on.
You give good phone, don’t you?
My friend Rhea’s meet went like this: details on how he met his two wives, the two divorces, and an outline of the breakup of the second marriage and the wife’s little cheating habit.
Likewise, if a woman questions a man about his financials, it’s a turn off. My friend Alan, who works for a pharmaceutical company and trains physicians, was asked on a first meet, “What would a person with your sort of position make in a year?”
He grunted, took her home and never again called.
Some baggage is just too darn heavy. And some boxes are marked *personal.*
Yup. He asks what you’d like to do, right from the beginning. First date. It’s not so bad if you’re given a few choices from which to pick. That can be nice. Otherwise, tell him what you’d like best of all in the whole wide wonderful whacked-out world is not to have to think about what to do.
This one time.
Lazy daters aren’t a source of irritation for everyone. Some women love taking charge. I see this as a problem if it extends to other, more important issues. Time will tell.
Plain old needy is one thing. Everyone is a little bit needy. Needy isn’t bad—when you’re ready, you’re ready. And if the feelings are mutual, this could translate to a beautiful beginning.
But if the guy––and it’s usually the guy––is coming on way too strong, step back. A man who professes strong feelings early in the game, wants to be exclusive, take down your profiles after a second date? Slow that man down.
(Definition: he comes on very strong, but when you respond, he retreats.)
Blow torchers, even middle-aged and older blow torchers, may not have the emotional stability and maturity to sustain a relationship over the long haul. Time will tell as trust builds. Remember, you are in control.
He emails. Every day brings a new and chatty story, how his dog got loose and the neighbor found her digging in the woods. It’s as if you know each other. You know you’ll meet. Soon.
Then they stop. The emails stop. You never hear from him again. He’s ghosted.
She gives you her number but doesn’t pick up when you call. Twice.
Or he takes your number, says he’s calling and doesn’t.
You’re experiencing bad behavior. Don’t take it personally and don’t try to figure these people out.
Online dating is tough. Get a helmet.
Have a life you enjoy, friends, family. The obvious. Take yourself on a date. Treat yourself to whatever you love doing.
Don’t make online dating a second job.